my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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