omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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