I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize