Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize