I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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