whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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