you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This baby is an asshole
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
