Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Found your dick twin last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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