My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
