I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
