who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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