The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
