i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
