We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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