Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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