I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
how drunk are you?
Several
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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