i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize