Need sex. Gaining weight.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize