help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize