i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
