I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
