its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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