Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
