at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
