Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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