Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
