i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
