I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize