They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
