i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
