wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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