i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
