My sheets look like a crime scene.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
