I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
