ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
