god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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