New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
