The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
