I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm too high and old for this...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
