i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
