never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
