she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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