exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
