just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
