So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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