honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
