I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize