even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
