i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
