He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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