I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
