Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Randomize