I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
