People in love make me want to vomit
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
