ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
