You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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