i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
