i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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