why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize