I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
