I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
