Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
whose ass print is on the piano?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
