the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
