found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
