I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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