Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
