We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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