Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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