Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
