Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
